Monday, May 17, 2010

Because I called you!

We have had a medical team here this week and it has been incredible but pretty crazy. Okay, life here is always pretty crazy! So Friday, wasn't any different. Mark was going out the door at 8:30 to go up to the guesthouse to see the team and take some groceries and other supplies up there. "Wait, I'll go with you!" I called, eager to get a few minutes with my man. (Those of you who have been here you know well that the drive from our house to the guesthouse is about 30 seconds to a minute long. But I will take anytime I can get especially when a team is here).

We went up to the guesthouse where the team was praying. I heard one pray, "and Lord, be near to the missionaries and help them. They are here all the time and deal with these situations and problems all the time." I didn't think much about it at the time but tucked it away in my mind.

We unloaded everything and then went up to the chapel where the clinic is being held to drop off more things. As we walked into the chapel, I noticed the line of people already waiting to be seen. Our matron, Juliana, pointed out a few who had come back for a re-check and explained their situations. I was reminded of a little girl who had broken her leg several weeks ago and was just seen the day before for the first time for the injury. We sent her to the nearby hospital only to be told there was no one to do an x-ray; now the mother has refused to go anywhere else. There were others in the clinic that morning - ones who had babies with high fevers, elderly who had walked several miles with no shoes, young widows with many children and so many others. I finally left feeling a little helpless and overwhelmed.

On my walk home, I was met by two of our helpers in the toddlers’ house to tell me that our newest little boy was having problems again. Sweet little boy was found abandoned several weeks ago and had a medical problem which is going to eventually require surgery. After talking with these ladies, it seemed we were going to have to do something immediately. I sent them both on errands and then turned back around to go talk to Mark and the visiting doctor about what to do.

As I walked back to the clinic discouraged and overwhelmed, my mind came back to the prayer my visiting friend prayed for me and my fellow missionaries. I thought about how inadequate I am to be here. And I honestly, thought to myself God why, am I here? Why am I one of the ones who are to stay here? I really was expecting to be reminded of all the great things done here or of all the smiles and hugs I get all day and to be told it is all worth it. But God said in His still small voice Because I called you! There is no other reason needed! God told our family not in an audible voice but through many confirmations, open doors and burdened hearts to be here and that is why I am here. It is not because of anything I am; as I said before I am very inadequate. It is not because I am content or enjoy being here because there are days I don’t. It is because God called Mark and I and our family to come that is why we are here. It is not about us but about God and His Glory.

So as I walked through the day, I walked knowing my God had called me, loves me and is in control of my life. He loves this new little boy who was able to wait for a few more days and may be having surgery on Wednesday. He loves the many people in the clinic who were seen and helped. He is a great and awesome God and He calls!


val said...

This is very encouraging to me! I OFTEN wonder why I'm in Singapore--there are many other places I'd rather be! BUT, He directed us here and has NOT yet told us to go. So, here we stay!

Caralina said...

And God is doing great work through you and Matt, Valerie! This is not the first time I have asked God why I am where I am. I remember many times sitting in the car line in suburbia America while Mark was working at the home office and asking myself and God "Why am I here?" His answer then was always, "I am preparing you!" Wow, I am glad I had those 10 years of preparation but still don't feel ready. Praying for you, today, Valerie!