So the last few weeks have been tough. Without going into detail, it has become more obvious we need direction, vision and more help here at GSF. Mark is investigating a significant theft and trying to determine who was involved. We have had water pump and generator issues that affect all of us. We have several preteens that are having serious struggles and behavior problems right now and we just don’t know how to address the issue. And, of course, our dear friend, colleague, and teacher, Amanda, in a life threatening condition (see previous posts).
But this blog is not about any of these things but instead of what God has been teaching me through these things. The word is CALL.
“Call unto me and I will answer you, and I will tell you great and mighty things which you do not know. Jeremiah 33:3 (NASB)
Crying out to God. I think of my own kids and the kids here at GSF. They come and ask for things many times. But it is when they are really desperate and can’t get to me fast enough is when they call to me. Cry out for me. Plead for my help.
Sunday morning, after we had heard how desperate of a situation Amanda was in, I was lying in bed with an unexplained fever.We had just dealt with a behavior in one of our own kids that was very unexpected and all the other situations mentioned above had already happened. I looked at Mark and said, “I am at my lowest!” I felt like I couldn’t even reach God. There was darkness between us. However, I knew that I had to keep calling out to him. Crying to him for all these situations. I read later that day Lamentations 3:55-58
“I called on your name,
O, Lord, out of the lowest pit,
You have heard my voice,
‘Do not hide Your ear from my prayer for relief,
From my cry for help.’
You drew me near when I called on You;
You said, ‘Do not fear!’
O Lord, You have pleaded my soul’s cause.
You have redeemed my life.”
I was at my lowest pit. I felt like everything in me had to cry. But like a child in his bed crying out for his mother in faith, knowing that the mother will hear, I called out to God. And He did hear me and reminded me that He knew each situation and had allowed each situation for my good.
“For I know that plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord. ‘plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope. “
But He reminded me . . .
“Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart. I will be found by you,’ declares the Lord. . .”
As this week has continued, He has gently shown me how He is using each situation. Refining me, molding me, teaching me to cry out to Him.
Thursday, when I was first told Amanda was in the hospital and I began to pray, I was reminded that she once said that I was a prayer warrior. To be honest, it was one of those statements that I never understood and I have not been able to let that statement loose. I don’t believe that I am a prayer warrior but, funny thing, it also prodded me to work towards being one. I keep pondering what does it really mean to be a prayer warrior and how can I be that way. I now am struck by the fact that Amanda is the one who said it and it is her sickness that is causing me to seek more and more to be that way. To call out to Him in desperation.
I have always been in awe by the desperation that Hannah prayed. Eli the priest thought she was drunk. Her defense to him was this “I have poured out my soul before the Lord” (1Sam 1:15)
So whatever it is, a need for wisdom and for truth to come out, a desire for a vision, freedom from the bondage of sin, change in my heart, desperate need for healing for a friend or just the strength for the next hour—God will hear and answer as we call out to Him. Some of the answer is just in calling out to Him and through that He changes us and guides us. This is my desire that I will learn to CALL to Him in all things and in that He will change me!