Saturday, October 9, 2010

When I am afraid. . .

I was curled up in the big chair by the door with my heart racing and quoting “When I am afraid, I will trust in you” over and over again.  Fear is a huge struggle for me and is quite a challenge at an orphanage in a third world country.  It is something I have to constantly give to God. This time it was 4:30 in the morning and I had just gotten a  phone call that 9-year-old Chloe was having a severe asthma attack. Usually, when there is a medical issue in  the houses in the night, Mark goes to check on the situation and to help.  I stay home and pray.  Tonight was no different so I sat there to pray— but I couldn’t pray—the fear was overwhelming.  I was reminded that it had been exactly 2 weeks since we got another early morning phone call telling us that Norah was in distress and within an hour we knew she had died.  The hurt was still so fresh it caused fear to come rushing in. 

So I sat crying out “When I am afraid, I will trust in you”  and as I continued my focus changed from my fear to the God of the universe who hears and answers.  More than that, He loves me and Chloe and everyone else at GSF.   He knew what He was doing when He called our family here even as inadequate as I feel to be here but I asked God to work through me, a weak vessel.  He allowed Chloe to have asthma but He also placed her at GSF where she can get the medical care and the love she needs.   I prayed for God to protect her and also for her to grow in Christ and His word. I knew He was guiding Mark’s hands and mind and the others helping Chloe.  I was able to begin praying for wisdom and peace in that place.  The more I focused on my Lord and His plans, the more I was able to cry out to Him.  Mark returned and said Chloe would be okay but he needed run to the clinic to get some medicine; I was able to tell him that God and I were having a good talk. 

Chloe had to eventually be taken to the hospital to receive steroid treatments.  She is staying there through the weekend.  I praise God for her, for His protection and even the opportunity to spend time talking to Him and hearing Him answer.  Later that day, I told Mark that I had been so afraid that I couldn’t pray in the night and all I could do was quote “When I am afraid, I will trust in you.”  He said, “Amy, that was praying!”    

3 comments:

val said...

Thanks for your honesty! Fear does draw you closer and point out your need for God doesn't it? Praying for you all!

Amy said...

Thank you, Val! It does draw you closer to Him, if you allow it. Thanks for praying for us! Praying for wisdom for you all in the adoption process!

Esther said...

Amy, Your transparency blesses me! Thanks for being so real. We pray for you every night and are assured that the Lord answers our prayers at the times of your need. The time and space between us in inconsequential.